STEROIDS: THE REAL STORY
Arthur Educates and Calls Out the Anti-Steroid Hypocrites

In the wake of today's admission by Alex Rodriguez that he did, in fact, use anabolic steroids (AAS) I feel it is time for me to give you, the readers of Arthur's Hall, the real story about anabolic steroids. First, my take on A-Rod....of course he did. Why am I not shocked? Because athletes use steroids. End of story. We know that A-Roid, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire and a host of others did but the true story is that the vast majority NOT named in these reports did too. To those who think taking steroids is cheating...fuck you. Is taking extra batting practice cheating? Is lifting weights cheating? Is film study cheating? No...and maximizing your physical strength with the use of pharmaceutical products isn't either. Where is the line? The answer is that there is no line. Do we suspend ourselves in battle because we use advanced weapons, GPS and night vision? No. Why in the hell should we expect the very best athletes in the world to limit themselves? Out of guilt? Nonsense. Their JOB is to the best they can be. To me it is their obligation to look for any advantage they can find.

I refuse to call myself an expert on anabolic steroids but I can tell you that I know more about them than any medical practitioner you have worked with or met. I once had a frank conversation with a personal doctor about AAS and he admitted that the medical profession knows little to nothing about them. Hell, it was in the mid 90s until the American Medical Association actually admitted that AAS can promote muscular growth. Until then, they denied that steroids had ANY effect on the body other than the bullshit side effects that you have all heard about. I have personally used them and will continue to do so. I have been around users my entire adult life and later in this article I am going to tell you the real story about these drugs, what they do and what they don't.

The use of AAS in sports is not limited to baseball. Baseball's failing was not pretending that they tested for these drugs. The NFL has skated by in this witch hunt because they pretend that they test for AAS. Let me tell you something...they don't. They may take samples and occasionally bust some punter or kicker for their use but the truth is that 90% of the samples are untested. Why do I know this....very simple. Every year players in the NFL get bigger, stronger and faster. How is this possible? Advanced training techniques? Human evolution? Hardly. Truth is that the drugs are better now than they were 20 years ago. Do you ever wonder why these men are doing things that seem completely impossible? Of course you do. But in the effort to stay naive you chalk it up to work ethic, genetics and fucking Jedi-mind tricks.

So...the first thing I want to accomplish here to is let you know that these athletes you watch playing football, basketball (yes), baseball, hockey, tennis, swimming, track and field, soccer and all the other sports take some sort of performance enhancing drugs. That is just simple fact. Olympic hero and noted pot head Michael Phelps? Juiced to the fucking gills. Is he using the same drugs that a bodybuilder would? No, but I would bet any amount of money that he WAS using an variant of EPO that is not easily found in the "random" drug screens. If you think for one second that any person is capable of beating EVERYONE in the world all at once on hard work and oatmeal alone you are an idiot. Not only do these athletes do everything in their power to not get caught...the powers that be don't want to catch them. Most of you have heard of THG (The Clear) that was produced by BALCO. Guess what? THG is literally the same drug as trenbolone (Finaplex) with one molecule modified. And it was undetectable for years. The only reason the testers found it is they were brought a sample of it and reverse engineered a test with a known sample. If it is that hard to test for a drug that is damn near identical to a commonly used AAS how hard would it be to create something completely undetectable? Not hard at all.

So get past the idea that your favorite athletes are eating fucking Wheaties and taking their daily multi-vitamins. The simple fact is that they take drugs of all types to win and make as much money as possible. That is the American way and if anything, we should embrace it. What we don't need is a bunch of assholes in Congress running around talking shit and stirring things up. I have a serious question...Why on Earth are we tolerating our Congresspeople talking about the use of AAS in sports? Every one of those bastards should be impeached immediately. We sit on the precipice of economic collapse and still this week some shithead Congresswoman had the balls to talk about Alex Rodriguez and his admission. Congressional inquiries? Why? Who really gives a fuck? No one. Truth is that these incompetent fucks are so out of touch with reality that they really think this shit matters. Stick to wasting tax dollars and fucking us in the ass with oppressive legislation Mr. Congressman and stay the hell out of the world of sports.

Now...it is time for me to debunk some myths, reaffirm some truths and educate you about this class of drugs.

Anabolic steroids are a class of drugs developed to mimic the effects of testosterone without the side effects of testosterone. I have heard people throw around the word "steroids" for their asthma medication, arthritis meds, etc. More than a few times I have heard this exact quote "The doctors gave me steroids for my asthma" with a sense that they were using something good. The reality is that that class of medications are "corticosteroids"....designed to mimic the effects of cortisol, a hormone that limits inflammation and other types of physical stress. Corticosteroids are NEVER good. Cortisol is the second most evil hormone in the human body (obviously after estrogen) and it simply destroys your body. It stunts children's growth, destroys muscle mass and does a number on your liver. If you can avoid ever taking any of these drugs you will be better for it.

What do anabolic steroids actually do? Well...that is not a simple question and the vast majority of you are not smart enough to understand the mechanism of action so I won't go into great lengths explaining that but long story short...they promote anabolism (muscular hypertrophy) by positively effecting nitrogen balance. If you don't understand what that sentence means...go read about it and come back. If you lift weights...you better damn well understand nitrogen balance. AAS do a host of other things in the body but in the effort to keep this article readable I will not go into detail about feedback loops, LH, HGH, insulin sensitivity, etc. You can read about that on Wikipedia or something. I am here to let you know what these drugs effectively do.

Like I said, I have used these drugs in a responsible way on a number of occasions. I have first hand knowledge about what these drugs do for me and what they have done for dozens of other men that I have trained with, worked with. lived with, etc. The use of AAS is one of the most misunderstood parts of the whole bodybuilding "scene". The first thing you need to know is that steroids do not make you superhuman. In fact, they make you more human. One of the most common myths about steroids is the whole "roid rage" thing. This is a complete myth. In my experience, AAS exacerbate your inherent personality traits. Simply put, if you are an asshole who likes to get pissed off, talk shit and fight, you are more likely to do so on AAS. On the other hand, if you are someone who generally keeps to themselves and goes about your business, you will just do that more.

The reason this myth exists is that MOST users of AAS are of the "likes to fight guy" personality type. You know the guy, dumb ass tattoos, way too expensive sunglasses, rolling around on his crotch rocket or jacked-up piece of shit American truck with quads in the back. Yeah, that guy. Tons of those guys use steroids. Why? The same reason they are complete douchebag tools in the rest of their life, they have an inferiority complex. Most of these assholes like to come home from their construction jobs, drink ten beers, hit their wives and call their kids stupid. Of course when these shitheads take more testosterone they get worse. Basically the reputation of steroids comes from adverse selection. Most of the types of guys who like them are the exact type of guy who should never take them. The funny thing is that these guys inevitably get NO POSITIVE effect from their use of AAS. Why? Because they are undisciplined, lazy and looking for the easy way to impress the 16 year old barista at the local drive through coffee shop in their shitty suburban subdivision. They all gain 30 lbs, bloated with sodium from their late night runs to Taco Bell after a night of drinkin' with the boys and they walk around like they are huge and then when they stop the drugs, they shrink up, quit hitting the gym and lose any effect they gained.

I guess my point is that MOST users of AAS get nothing out of it. Literally...nothing other than a bloated sense of self worth during their cycle and a humiliating depression when they realize that they have gained no muscle despite the $1000 they spent. One of my best pieces of advice is this...unless you know EXACTLY how much protein you consume on a daily basis and have hit the gym 5-6 days a week for three years straight, you have ZERO business taking drugs. You are wasting them and you lack the discipline or work ethic to realize any true gains.

Another misunderstood part of this equation is genetics. Most users get little to no permanent positive effect due to a lack of genetic capability to gain muscle. If you have horrible genetics, steroids won't save you. Stick to long distance running and modeling men's underwear.

What real world effects do these drugs have? There are three main positive effects that a user experiences. One....improved focus and increased pain tolerance. This will be the first thing you notice, when you get to the gym you will not be thinking about your job or your stupid girlfriend, your focus will be on the task at hand and that task is destroying as many muscle fibers as you can. The second effect is increased appetite and metabolism. You will be able to eat more and process that food more effectively. If you don't...none of it matters. Third, your recovery times will decrease which is helpful considering your increased ability to break down muscle. These are the positive effects. Notice that I did not say strength gains, exploding muscles, bodyfat loss or anything outcome related. The outcomes completely depend on your ability to take advantage of these three effects. If you don't, you will gain nothing.

What is the real story on side effects? From what I have seen they vary greatly depending on the variety of drug, amount used and individual genetic response. For some men, AAS increases sex drive, for others it shuts it down. Some men have impotence problems on AAS and other men are walking hard-ons. Your testicles WILL SHRINK and the first time you notice you will be startled. This is normal...don't worry they come back. Your viking DOES NOT SHRINK. This is a myth perpetuated by jealous non-users who want to dissuade their sisters/girlfriends wanting eyes. Quite a few men will notice increased acne, especially if you had acne as a teenager. A user will have a fair amount of bloating in many cases but this can be handled with increased water consumption and avoiding sodium like the plague. Most AAS users will battle gynecomastia or "bitch tits". This is brought on by the body making more estrogen and can cause long term problems with breast tissue growth. The only solution to this is surgery. Moodiness is something that most users deal with which only makes sense. A user's blood pressure will generally be elevated during the term of use but will return to baseline after completion of a cycle. Using the wrong drugs for too long (oral AAS) WILL cause liver toxicity problems. The worst side effect comes at the end of the cycle. AAS stop your body's natural production of testosterone and when you come off the drugs you will have an inevitable downtime where you have little to no testosterone. Some people believe that use of other drugs can help with this, but the jury is still out on the effectiveness/value in post-cycle hormonal treatment. The average user will stop eating and stop training and throw away any progress they made. Post cycle joint and connective issue problems are not unusual. When you add a good amount of muscle quickly your body has a hard time compensating for this and your tendons and joints will be more susceptible to injury. The long-term effects are quite nebulous but it does stand to reason that a regular user will be more likely to develop male related issues (BPH, prostate cancer, colon cancer, etc). So there you have it...the real life side effects of AAS.

I am open to answering questions either about this drugs or their use in sports. I am not encouraging anyone to use them or attempting to talk anyone out of it. Actually...hold on, if you are an asshole who likes to fight, don't use these drugs. You give users a bad name. Also, if you have not eaten 250+g of protein EVERY DAY for three years and gotten to the gym 5-6 days a week for the last three years, don't use these drugs, you are wasting your time. I hope that I was able to give you, my readers, a real picture of this story without the bullshit posturing from media types or hypocritical know-nothing medical "professionals".

-Arthur