ITALY: WORSE THAN FRANCE?
From Empire to Irrelevance
Women around the world are told they must swoon whenever they hear the romantic languages of the French and Italians. They're so dreamy, women are constantly told to believe. They understand what a woman really wants, everyone is informed. We real men need to take lessons from them, the apologists argue.
Well, it takes a pussy to believe the hype.
In this article, I'm going to dispel common myths about Italians and remind people in the world as to why we should consider Italians lower than scum sucking flounders. Hell, the French have done more in the past thousand years than the Italians have. And yet when it comes to ridicule and mockery, the French seem to take all the shit and we forget about the Italians.
A pussy is a pussy, and the Italians have a history of being the biggest pussies on the block.
Since the fall of Rome, Italy has been a useless pile of feces. Nation after nation has made Italy their bitch, from the Germanic tribes to the north in the early 8th century AD to the United States in 1943. Italians might be great romantics who can paint, but they are worthless as a military force. Let's start at the beginning.
Despite what people tend to think, Romans were Italians. And when a young, successful leader by the name of Julius Caesar rolled into town they immediately bent over and grabbed their ankles, terrified. Caesar was a terrific leader for Rome, though the Senators of the time feared him. Instead of confronting him in a fair and manly fight, they encircled him and stabbed him 23 times while vastly outnumbering him. Then they ran, leaving Caesar to die on the floor while they tried to rally the citizenry to support them. The citizenry, in turn, locked themselves inside, fearing retribution. Manly on both ends, right? Ha!
During the middle ages, both Spain and France took turns fighting over who was going to rule Italy. France! Frenchmen were calling the Italians pussies! Spaniards were, too. One of my distant ancestors, Gonzalo Fernández de Córdoba, made the Italians his bitch when he was the Governor of Milan from 1625-1629. In the end, Italy was ruled by Spain for another two hundred years before they finally decided they were tired of outside rule. So what did they do, you ask. Did they stage a revolution?
Not quite. They got with someone who was stronger and fellated them into history.
Using the help of notorious pussy Napoleon III (Bonaparte's nephew and Emperor of France), Italy went to war with Austria. Using French soldiers and money, they won their (sort of) independence and established their own kingdom, the Kingdom of Italy. However, the Italians were decently smart (though decidedly unmanly) and realized that an alliance with Napoleon III would kill them all. So they turned their back on their ally and sided with the suddenly powerful (though always manly) Prussians in their fight against the French a few years later. Prussia destroyed the French in one major battle, though the war lasted longer, and Italy cheered along with Prussia, proclaiming "their" victory. Bitches.
Of course, knowing Italians as we do, we know that they could not manage self-rule for too much longer. Fearing the Socialist Revolution in Russia, which ousted the Tsar in 1917, Italy started looking at options. Bend over and take it in the ass by a socialist country? No, they were afraid of the 40 grit condoms the Soviets would bring. Stand up and defend themselves? Not likely, considering their lack of activity and wishy-wash attitude during World War 1. No, the Italians found someone who was almost above incompetence: Benito Mussolini, who then rode Germany's coattails to world power status.
We all know how well that little endeavor turned out. USA 1, Italy 0.
After Italy capitulated during World War 2, they went back to being the bastard bitches of Europe. Rising inflation and lack of job opportunities allowed for Italy to turn into a cesspool of corruption. Knowing that they were not nearly manly enough to fill the shoes of their British and American occupiers, instead they cheered in adulation as Allied troops filled their streets and deflowered their daughters by the droves. Italian men watched and were cuckolded by their wives at the manliness of American GI's.
Seething in rage, the Italians knew that the only way they could restore their phantom manliness was through fiction. Thus came the legends of Italians as great lovers and romantics. Women, as the sexual revolution went underway, were tricked into believing that a romantic Italian male was far better than a manly American male. They were quick studies, Italians, watching the French trick of twisting the truth and putting a positive spin on their being a pussy.
It is common to look at the French as the most pathetic cowards on the planet and their reputation is well deserved but the Italians make the French look like US Navy Seals. Let me remind you that France has a nuclear arsenal and conducted a nuclear test in Algeria DURING the Algerian war for independence. France may be annoying but they have nukes. Italy? A pissant peacekeeping force.
Italy then joined the European Union after realizing that they could not rule themselves. Why, you ask? Well, quite simply, they lacked the balls to stand up and take responsibility for their actions. Plus, when one American dollar is worth 4,000 of their lire, it's time to find a new source of income. Again, riding the coattails of others to become prosperous. They sort of remind me of Robin Leach of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous".
Italians don't have any manly sports, though I'm tempted to give their F1 drivers a pass. Google "Famous Italian Athletes" and a comprehensive list is given, except for one minor detail: almost all of them named are Italian-Americans and not true Italians. Ha! Even the Wikipedia page is reaching a bit, when it claims that a footballer referee was one of their more famous athletes. Their biggest contribution to the world stage of sports was when their star soccer (footballer) player getting made a Frenchman's bitch during the World Cup. Let me say that again: a French male made an Italian male his bitch. Yeah, the French lost, but Italians are great at this thing called "diving" and drawing penalties. Besides, I think the even the most stubborn of French would admit that watching Zidane level the arrogant and pussified Totti with a timely head butt was worth it.
And what the fuck is up with sucking your thumb after scoring a goal, Italy? Really? Does Totti really lack any and all manliness?
The real Italians, you may or may not be surprised to discover, moved to America and Britain during the 19th century. Manly men who fought, bled and died for their nation. Those Italians, who call themselves Americans and British now, have done more in the past century than other Italians have managed in two thousand years. They stand up and fight for their manhood when it's questioned.
And you still want to call the French pussies?
- Warp Cordova
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