MY LIFE AS A CAVEMAN
Arthur's Real Life Conversion to the Paleolithic Diet
In December, I made a drastic change to my lifestyle. No, I did not decide to color my hair, get manicures or start listening to Coldplay, I started eating like a caveman. On the advice of HammerOfThor, the author of the upcoming Go Paleo masterpiece, I turned my dietary life upside down and now its time for me to share my experience. I learned about the Paleolithic Diet on the Viking Forum. The Viking Forum is where real men go to interact with me and to discuss everything that is manly and this is yet another reason to join... NOW!
As a reasonably serious bodybuilder, my diet has been regimented for about ten years. I have been doing all the things that anyone who wants to get big and look like a man should; eating significant protein six to eight times a day, avoiding white sugars and devouring lean meats. I had always eaten more than my fair share of oatmeal, whole grain bread and rice. To me, eating a good amount of grains was an essential element of getting big. I was wrong. Mainstream thought on this subject is wrong. Grains are garbage and have no place in the human diet.
There is more information on diets and nutrition plans on the Net than you could ever read. You've seen it all before: low-carb high protein, low-fat, Atkins, etc, etc. It can be damn near impossible to discern information from advertising. It seems as if every nutrition or diet article is sponsored by someone who wants to sell you a book or a supplement. I have no such agenda. My only agenda is to give you the information in a way that is practical with real life experience directly from me.
I am six foot tall and, in December, I weighed 280 lbs. I was not fat by any stretch of the imagination. I had decent vascularity in my arms and a reasonably flat stomach. I would estimate my body fat at the time to be 15-18%. As always I was training hard and doing a bit of cardio. I was eating 4000-5000 calories a day with around 400g of protein. The balance of the calories were coming from a massive amount of oatmeal and other cereal grains along with an incidental amount of fat. My main protein sources were, in order of frequency; egg whites, very lean ground beef (4%), protein supplements, steak and peanut butter. I avoided sugar like the plague. I eschewed white bread or white rice. On a day to day basis, I felt decent I thought. My stomach was in a semi-constant state of distress ranging from diarrhea to constipation. I thought that was normal for anyone who was eating the requisite volume of food. My friends, many of which are bodybuilders in some capacity, were the same way so I thought nothing of it.
In December, on the advice of a few guys on the Viking Forum, I decided to change my nutritional outlook. In order to do that I had to unlearn everything I thought I knew. Realistically speaking, I know more about food and the way it interacts with the body than 99.999% of the population so it was hard to admit to myself that I may have been mislead. So one day I went to Costco and bought a shitload of eggs, ground beef and, for the first time, salmon. I also stocked up on apples and bananas. I had never been much of a fruit eater because fruit is fructose and I thought that I should avoid sugar if possible. My shopping cart looked absurd, nine pounds of salmon, fifteen pounds of ground beef, two dozen apples, twenty dozen eggs and a bunch of bananas.
I had thoroughly researched the tenets of the Paleo lifestyle and realized that I would need to add more fat to my diet. The human body is well equipped to convert dietary fat into blood sugar and I have taken full advantage of that. Instead of pure egg whites, I now eat twelve egg whites and six yolks in a meal. Rather than 4% ground beef I grab the 9% and now I eat salmon instead of chicken breast. With every meal I now eat an apple and a banana. I wish I liked green vegetables but I have not found a way to integrate those into my daily food intake. For the past six months I have been eating nothing but eggs, beef, salmon, apples, bananas, cheese and walnuts.
My caloric intake overall bounces around 4000 a day. I am still taking in 400g of protein a day. I am eating 8-12 apples or bananas a day. The balance of my calories are coming from fat from egg yolks, beef, walnuts, cheese. These fats are GOOD for you. I know people like to know the percentages of calories from the three macronutrients; protein, carbohydrates and fat and, on average, I am at 40/25/35 give or take a percentage or two. The result?
I am now 260 lbs at 10-12% body fat. My training has never been better. I am stronger than I have ever been and I look like a fucking specimen. Veins run like highways through my shoulders, quads, hamstrings and calves. I am even starting to get those veins through the hip area. My energy levels were low for about a month. From what I can gather, it takes about that long for the body to realize that it is no longer going to be able to rely on empty starches for blood sugar. After a month, my energy levels soared and I have never felt more vigorous. My stomach NEVER bothers me anymore. The volume of my waste product has diminished significantly (Yeah, I said it, and it is relevant). I have noticed that my blood sugar levels are stable even when I don't eat the fruit. Overall, I could not be happier with the state of my body.
Obviously I am genetically superior to you, and you can never hope to be as great as me, but this lifestyle can get you in better physical shape than you could imagine. So what should you do? Listen to me and stop eating like a cow and start eating like a fucking Viking.
I know that this diet seems very strange and perhaps my version of it is. This diet is not hard to convert to, and more importantly, to adhere to for life. I know you are probably asking yourself.... "What does Arthur do when he goes out?" I eat whatever is there. I occasionally eat garbage grains like fries or pizza and its not a big deal. I do notice that I feel worse after eating that shit but hey... you have to live life right? So how can you get started? What can you eat? Let me give you some simple rules.
Eat:
Meat- All real animal meat is good. No...bologna is not real meat. If you are looking to get bigger and stronger, I would strongly recommend eating meat in a natural state...with fat. Don't worry about the amount of fat you are getting with your meat. Cholesterol? Not a concern unless you have a fucked up lipid profile. This diet has been shown in studies to improve LDL/HDL ratios. For those looking to get leaner...stay away from absurdly high fat ground beef.
Eggs- Nature's perfect protein source. Eat them. If you are looking to get leaner use a 3:1 white to yolk ratio.
Vegetables- They are all great, eat as much as you can handle.
Fruit- Once again, fruit is all good. Eat the shit out of it. If you are looking to lose some bodyfat, eat fruit with half of your meals rather than all of them.
Dairy- This is a controversial subject in the world of Paleo eaters. Some practitioners avoid it. Others, like me, believe its fine. The spirit of the Paleolithic Diet is that if you can eat it raw it is fine to eat. I have no lactose intolerance issues because I am a fucking Viking. 95% of the world is not equipped to break down lactose. If you can drink milk now and not have stomach issues, go for it. If not, avoid it.
Nuts and Seeds- A great source of fat and healthful fatty acids. Eat them. Peanuts and Cashews are NOT nuts, they are legumes. Walnuts and almonds are excellent.
Avoid:
Cereal Grains- Cow food. Humans never ate grass and wheat, corn, rice and oats are modified grass plants. They are loaded with anti-nutrients and are toxic in their raw state. Drop em. Don't look back.
Legumes- I am not going to list them all. Common legumes and potatoes, beans and peanuts. They are mostly "New World" plants. Humans didn't eat them until less than 1,000 years ago. They have no nutritional value.
Refined sugar- No explanation should be necessary.
Everything not listed in the "Eat" column- I am sick of listing this shit. Stick to the good stuff and you are on track.
This plan is not for everyone. Many of you are too lazy and weak-minded to stick to anything. I get that. For those who want to be healthier, happier and look better... this is the way to go. I have done it, it works. It is nothing short of amazing. I am sure that some of you have questions and that is a good thing. The Paleo lifestyle is a popular topic on the Viking Forum as a number of readers have already made the switch. To interact with me and see some of my results.... join the Arthur's Hall Viking Forum today.
Just remember...you were born a hunter-gatherer. You are not a cow. Eat like a hunter-gatherer. Be like me and eat like a caveman!
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