YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID
The Ills of our Society Begin at Birth
As many of you know, I live a socially isolated (some would call it "socially retarded") life. I just don't seek out social interaction and this habit is definitely a hindrance in my life. I acknowledge that. I have wondered aloud why I have withdrawn from social life but that question has been answered recently. Recently I took a new position that forces me to interact with wide swaths of society on a day-to-day basis and this interaction has forged my desire to lead hermit lifestyle. Why? You fucking people are stupid. There is ample evidence of this stupidity; the fuck in the White House, rampant criminality, etc but society's biggest offense is a crime against the innocent... children.
The offense I am referring to comes in the form of baby names. I know that bitching about this may seem petty but you are dead wrong. There is no greater evidence of the decline of our society. Don't believe me? Go to an elementary school and get a roster of the students and take a look at the names. You will be aghast at the rampant stupidity. If the names of these children doesn't immediately make you want to kill people or puke...you are a member of the "idiot club" that I am talking about.
Names are important business. Our civilization has been forged by men who were named by parents who had respect for themselves, their children and Western Civilization. For centuries men have carried dignified names like Ronald, Magnus, Dick, George, Arnold, Gunter, Winston and the list goes on and on. These names signify manliness. There is no mistaking a kid's upbringing when his name is Magnus, for instance. When you meet a seven year old named Magnus you know that his father was a man. You also know that his father named him. Women cannot be trusted to name boys under any circumstance.
I have literally heard women say "You can't name a child Magnus, there is no short, cute version of that name". What the fuck are you talking about? Short and cute? Fuck all that noise. A young man should NOT have a name that can be shortened into some cutsey name. Another objection I have heard is "You can't name your child Magnus people will call him 'Maggie'". My retort "My son will have recourse to knock a kid out in that case". Point being is that if your child's name is Magnus or Dick... people will take him seriously and, more importantly, he will take himself seriously.
If you read through the most popular boy names in this country you will see real names like John, Matthew, Alexander, etc. Nothing wrong with that. If you look deeper you see name abortions like Jayden, Aiden, Jackson, Dylan, Tyler, Mason, Landon, Brayden, Austin, Aidan, Hunter, Brody..... ok enough of this, typing these names is making me ill. If your son is named any of these, you are a fucking idiot and should have your balls cut off immediately. Why? A name like the above PROVES that you let your wife or more appropriately (in most cases I am sure) your "baby-momma" name your boy. No actual man would ever name his boy "Brayden". How is a boy named Brayden supposed to be anything but a pole smoker who loves the government and thinks guns are evil? Answer... he won't. He will major in art and think that Tofu is a legitimate protein source. As a man, he can do nothing but fail and its his parents fault.
Women live in a dream world. We all know that. They think reality TV is reality and that the news is "horrible and depressing". If you let them, they will name your boy after some piece of shit TV character that they think is cute. You cannot allow this to happen. Don't fall into the mob of people with ZERO originality or imagination. By naming your son one of these pussy names you are saying "I am a fucking idiot who cannot think for myself". You cannot blame the woman, you should know that fantasy is reality for them. Take it upon yourself to make sure that your boy has a fighting chance to swim upstream through the steady deluge of estrogen that he will face as he grows up.
I have a bit of advice for those of you that are married and will be having children. Remind your prospective mate that a boy is not decoration. Allowing women to name your boys enables them to make YOUR son a fucking accessory like a cheesy purse or five pound rat dog. That mindset will ruin your son. I am not exaggerating here. Let's lay out a scenario that takes place in suburban developments on a daily basis. You meet a cool chick who seems to be reasonably rational and you say "well shit... I'll marry her and we'll get a cardboard prison in the suburbs and have some fat kids". So far, so good. One day she comes to you and says "We're pregnant". Your opportunity to establish your manliness begins here. The correct response is "YOU ARE pregnant and that is great news". She probably look at you sideways but stick with it or this will happen...
Six months later, your wife/girlfriend is going apeshit. She is decorating a room and reading endless pyschobabble books on how to raise a child. You just let her be because she is a hormonal nightmare and you just want to make it through this maelstrom of stupidity. Later...she screams "My water is broken" and you rush her to the hospital. At this point, she will take the opportunity to tell you how you "owe her", etc. You roll your eyes. A few hours later, a bloody womb goblin is born and she says "Let's name him Jayden!". MEN...THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! Most men say "Ok honey" and now you have spawned a future parasite. You, being a man who reads Arthur's Hall, say "Hell no, his name is Richard". She protests and whines and you make up some shit about it being a family tradition or some other BS...doesn't matter, just get a real name on the birth certificate. By taking this stand, you are establishing dominion over your newborn, soon to be bad-ass boy. If you don't do this, she will have him dressed up in "Hollister for babies" and will be parading him around like a fucking doll. Ten years later, you will come home from work and you will see your boy with bleached hair from the same hair salon that your wife pisses your money away at. Ten years later, he will be coming home from college with a boy named Mason introducing him as his boyfriend. And it will all be your fault...
There is an easy rule of thumb to remember. If you can't think of someone important in the pages of history with a particular name...don't use it. If the woman suggests it...don't use it. If you live by these simple rules, your son will have a dignified name and will learn that he was named after someone who did something important. If you knock up some whore and she names your kid because you are an absentee checkbook dad...you failed in every possible way. Not only will your son be raised without a father (unless you count the endless procession of "boyfriends" that they will know) but they will have a piece of shit name that a woman picked out.
My ultimate suggestion is to have a list of around ten names that are acceptable in your head and when you meet a woman who may be worthy of carrying your boy, give her the list. If she scoffs, get out before your life is destroyed. If she is on board with a name like Magnus, Dick, Ronald, Chuck or some other manly name, she may be "the one".
This public service announcement has been sponsored by none other than me. You are welcome.
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