POPEYE - APOTHEOSIS OF MANHOOD
I know most people probably don't associate cartoons directly with manliness and masculinity. I can understand that, since most cartoons are for kids, and most of the cartoons for adults feature tentacled demons raping Japanese schoolgirls. If that is your idea of fun, please press ctrl-Q on your keyboard, and never use the Internet again. I have to admit that I personally love cartoons. I don't love all cartoons, but I like some of the old Disney movies, I really like Pixar films, and I absolutely love old Fleicher Studios Cartoons like Popeye .
Fleicher Studios was Disney's biggest competition in the 1930's, and turned out dozens of very well animated Betty Boop and Popeye cartoons. It was an era before political correctness, and before blacks attained their civil rights and some amount of affluence. I'm sure the audience was about as white as you can get. These cartoons are always violent, sexist, racist, and being that these cartoons are from a bygone era. I find their themes completely non-threatening and entertaining. I know I wouldn't want to live in a world that sexist, racist, and violent. but it sure is funny.
But I'm here today to talk specifically about Popeye. You see, the Popeye of these old Fleicher cartoons is quite likely the most insecure, violent, and masculine character ever to appear on screen. Almost every single episode ends with Popeye and Bluto getting in some sort of pissing contest for absolutely no reason and all, and pounding each other with their fists and forearms. There isn't a problem in the world that Popeye can't solve by punching one thing or another. In these cartoons Popeye drinks, he smokes, he incessantly sings about what a man he is, and he punches everything under the sun. He punches elephants, locomotives, buildings, minorities, and even forces of nature. This early Fleischer Popeye is the essence. the apotheosis of manhood. and someone we can all learn from.
I'm willing to reckon that many readers are likely to disregard my claim that Popeye is the apotheosis of rugged manhood. That's fine, I came prepared. Take for example "I Yam What I Yam", which is an early 1933 Popeye cartoon. what follows is a brief plot synopsis of the animated short:
The sea is stormy, and Popeye stands on the bow of his rowboat smoking his corncob pipe and singing about how great he is. The boat is of course being oared by his anorexic wench Olive Oyl, and that fat waste of flesh Wimpy is bringing up the rear eating god-knows-what. Lighting strikes, ending Popey's paean exalting his own manliness. Not being one to take situations that endanger the lovely Olive Oyl lightly, Popeye grabs the bolt of lighting, beats it senseless, and throws it screaming into the sea. The clouds cower in fear and run away. the sky is clear once again.
Once ashore, Popeye strides onto the beach like he's Christopher Columbus in that god-awful Ridley Scott movie. Before him looms a large forest. Popeye does exactly what any manly man who knows his own manly worth would do. he beats the steaming ordure out of the entire forest transforming it into a fully furnished log cabin with a warm fire in the hearth. Now that his home base is established, Popeye sets out for some food. in this case, dinner will be a dozen or so ducks. as requested by Wimpy.
But as Popeye leaves the cabin, it is revealed that the surrounding trees are in reality a pack of savage Indians in crafty disguise. No, not East Indians (we'll get to that later), but those red-faced scalping savages we now call Native Americans. Popeye is now out hunting for ducks, and Olive Oyl is in grave danger.
On his way to the duck pond Popeye is attacked by several of these red-faced savages. He responds in the same way he always does to any problem he's ever been presented with. he punches them. Popeye arrives at the duck pond, but not before leaving a trail of tears, broken bones, and shattered noses in his wake. He walks straight into the pond and comes out with at least a dozen ducks in hand. He quickly gets them all addicted to his fine tobacco product and leads them back to the cabin pied-piper-style. They happily follow him, inhaling his aromatic second hand smoke.
Upon seeing the situation at the cabin, Popeye knows it's time to enjoy his favorite meal, a tall can of Vitamin-K rich spinach. Having seen what spinach can do in these cartoons, I have to wonder why they don't test for spinach in the Olympics or the Tour de France.. I'll spare you most of the details of the ensuing carnage, but a single scene of Popeye grabbing five Indian necks with one hand and punching them so damn hard they turn into a pile of Indian-head nickels should paint a fair picture for you.
With most of the tribe nursing compound fractures, the Chief of the tribe challenges Popeye. He's roughly twice the height of any other character in the short, and makes Popeye look like Little Mac to his Bald Bull, if you will. Being as juiced up on spinach as he is, it still only takes one punch. Popeye delivers a single uppercut so powerful the chief is knocked clear of his own clothing and hits the ground transmogrified into the emaciated form of Mahatma Gandhi sitting in his traditional folded-leg position. roll credits bitches!
After you finish wiping the tears away from your eyes, and beating your children to teach them character, I must implore you to check out some of these old Fleicher Studio's Popeye cartoons. They have just been released in a new DVD set entitled "Popeye the Sailor: 1933-1938, Vol. 1". They are comic gold, and monuments to violent masculinity.
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