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Arthur speaks...
Hey everyone, the site is moving onto bigger and better things. The front page is working well and has been migrated to a new host. Our Viking Forum has been moved to a new dedicated server, and is faster than ever. Stay tuned and Thanks!!!
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THE TOP TEN METAL ALBUMS SINCE 2000
08/27/10 — Arthur Chronicles Recent Metal History
I am not a music reviewer by any stretch of the imagination. I do feel that I have a good sense of what sounds good and works well together and its on that basis that I am writing the Top 10 Metal Albums since 2000. This article is based on the importance/influence/sheer greatness of the release. Obviously my personal biases come into play but I am great so my biases automatically make the article better. Every album listed is a must own for any worthwhile man. Enjoy and feel free to disagree...you'll be wrong but I always appreciate the effort.... READ MORE |
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NATIONAL MUSTACHE MONTH
08/09/10 — Celebrate Being A Man In September
I, Arthur, proclaim September to be “National Mustache Month”. Why September and why the mustache specifically? September marks the end of summer in the worthwhile part of the world and serves as a reminder that the winter months are coming. What would winter be without facial hair? After all, there is a reason why we have it in the first place. September also brings the football with it. Football (The actual game, not the game where you play footsies with a round ball you Euro pussies) is the ultimate expression in sporting manliness. So September is a great month to do something manly.... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
07/28/10 — Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko
This month’s man is actually two men who are forever linked as brothers and champions, Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko. There may be a few of you who don’t know who these guys are and that is a sad statement about the state of boxing as a sport. Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko are the two dominant heavyweight boxers in the world and have dominated the sport since the great Lennox Lewis retired in 2003... READ MORE |
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A FINAL SOLUTION TO THE RETARD PROBLEM
07/22/10 — Arthur's Offensive Genius at its Finest
If you go to any school in America you will find a wing of the school devoted to those with "special needs". Don't be fooled by this psychobabble term... "special needs" is Newspeak for retard. Yeah, yeah I know you know all sorts of kids who are "special" due to some birth defect, drug addled mothers, etc but I honestly don't give a shit. A retard is a retard. That is Viking truth. The most offensive part of the retard wings of schools is the number of staff members. The non-chromosomally challenged deal with limited resources, overworked (not really...but I am targeting retards with this article...not shithead whiny teachers) teachers and incompetent administrations while retards have personal assistants that make sure their helmets are on straight... READ MORE |
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The Social Security Scam
07/08/10 — You are Being Robbed
It is no secret that Social Security, Medicare, and other entitlement programs are complete and utter failures. What may be less obvious is the actual amount of money that you are losing out on by paying into these evil schemes. As I was looking at some pay stubs the other day, I took notice of how much was being taken out for Social Security and Medicare. I was literally fuming in my chair, and it was as if Earth’s pressure had dropped to 50 pascals, because my blood was boiling. I decided to run some numbers to see what kind of retirement benefit I could achieve by investing that money on my own. Since most of you probably don’t have the inclination or know-how to do this yourselves, I think it is only fair that the extent to which the Federal Government is fucking you be quantified... READ MORE |
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America's Debt: A Personal Story
06/28/10 — Arthur Explains Our Mind-Bending Debt
It is impossible to overstate the gravity of America's debt problems. Unfortunately
when people here "America is 13 TRILLION DOLLARS in debt" it is such an
incomprehensible number that people just ignore it and pretend it doesn't matter. I
am here to tell you that not only does it matter but it our national debt is, by far, the
biggest threat to our nation, your safety, your well-being and your future. So that
you can understand the absurdity of America's debt problem I am going to juxtapose
our Federal Deficit and spending into a personal financial situation. This article should
make you want to buy a woodchipper and drive to Washington D.C. If it doesn't, you
are a disgrace and part of the problem. Critics will say "The Federal Government is
not subject to the same rules or economic concepts because they can inflate the
currency". Robert Mugabe agrees... Enjoy!... READ MORE |
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OBAMA: HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT
06/11/10 — He Is What He Is by Sgt. Rock
I will not berate or slander Obama in this article. I am more interested in germinating critical thought than stirring emotions. And I will be up front about my own views: I am a registered Independent, strong supporter of libertarian philosophy and a supporter of global free market capitalism as it furthers individual freedom and peaceful relations more effectively than anything in existence. I am not a Republican, nor am I a critic of all things most people these days would consider "liberal causes". I support gay marriage and ending drug prohibition for example. I am also vociferously opposed to gun control laws and am a staunch supporter of concealed carry for civilians. I have never been to a Tea Party or any other protest for that matter. I am not a stereotypical Obama-basher who dreams of a neocon dominated House, Senate and Oval Office. Now that my beliefs are out of the way... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
05/29/10 — Daniel Hannan
The United Kingdom is no longer a kingdom, in fact, the UK is no longer relevant on the world stage. If I were to write a book about Britain it would be called "Who needs global power? How to piss away an Empire in 50 years". Frankly, thinking about the current state of affairs in not-so Great Britain makes me want to go on a kill crazy rampage. Let's face it... England is responsible for damn near everything worthwhile in terms of statecraft over the last 300 years and now? A nanny state farce. There are two solutions. One....William and Harry burn the Parliament down and declare themselves co-Kings of England and declare British dominion over the Commonwealth. As great as that would be I am not betting my house on it. The second solution. This month's Man of the Month, Daniel Hannan... READ MORE |
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BERZERKER POWERLIFTING
05/10/10 — How I Lifted a Ton and Lived to Tell About It
A week before my meet I was in Ohio competing at the Amateur Strongman World Championships and although I went totally ape on every event, I blew my hand out on the farmers walk and was unable to get to the finals because of it. Frickin story of my life. So anyway, I had been talking to this chick I liked for a few weeks and since she had recently moved up to Northern California, I figured I could have her come watch my meet and then hang out afterwards. A week before the meet, I got a shitty ass “we'll see” from her so I figured that was in the trash. Turns out I was right. Like please, what else did she have better to do, sit around and smoke weed all day?... READ MORE |
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2010 MANFEST RECAP
05/03/10 — Guns, Tobacco, Alcohol, and Camaraderie
As I sit down to write this article I am still in shock that this corner of the internet, a simple web page written by an eccentric genius, has morphed into a real community. This site has been around since 2005 and has exploded in the last three years and last week we attended the first annual ManFest at the Knob Creek Gun Range outside of Louisville, Kentucky. I could give details about the gathering itself but that would not make for a particularly interesting article. I am more interested in explaining the event's impact on me and some societal observations that should be relevant to everyone... READ MORE |
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THE ARGUMENT
04/18/10 — Why Conservatives Should Look at Gays Differently
There is an argument that I have long wanted to make to conservatives in America. It is a tricky, narrow argument, but one I think I can win if presented correctly. My main point is that the demonization of gays in the conservative movement, real or perceived, is not only very ugly but that it is also extremely counter productive to the basic goals of conservatism. I don't think there are many who call themselves conservatives who would disagree that the main goals of the movement should be: a limited federal government that lives within its constitutional framework, expansive individual liberty (both political and economic), and a strong national defense. I'm going to explain why it is essential that we change our rhetoric, and policy proposals concerning gays if we want any chance of success over the next few decades... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
04/05/10 — Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson
This month's man should not be a stranger to any actual man. Shit...he is featured on the front page of the site (in case you were wondering who the "Redcoat" guy was). Bruce Dickinson is best known for being the frontman of the world's greatest band, Iron Maiden. That alone qualifies him for enshrinement into this illustrious Man Hall of Fame. The reality is that if you don't know who Bruce Dickinson is you should find a shotgun and forcibly eject your fragmented skull into the ceiling. All that aside, I have found the grace in my cold Viking heart to tell you why Bruce Dickinson is the man... READ MORE |
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2010 CENSUS HOW-TO
03/12/10 — Arthur's Response to the Government Leviathan
I just received an envelope from the US Census Bureau informing me that the Census will be sent next week. So let me get this straight...you are sending me a letter to tell me that the Census will be here next week? Really? In an era of out of control government spending and suicidal debt levels our government decided that spending at least $100 million dollars to send out these waste-of-time notices was prudent. Just another example of a government that has become a Leviathan, ever growing, ever present and increasingly hostile to the People. I know, I know...the Census is something that is delineated by the Constitution. Its purpose WAS to reapportion Congress and provide the government a road map of present and future revenues. Now its been turned into a "Make sure to respond so your area can get the funding it NEEDS". It is now an excuse for more debt spending, more income redistribution and more government intrusion into your life... READ MORE |
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MANLY MEN RAISE MANLY SONS
03/01/10 — Raising Boys to Be Men
Society has gone off the tracks, boys are growing up to be anything but men. Sure they have the right plumbing, but they have not been made into men. From metrosexuals to wiggers, from G's to emos these are not men. For the benefit of the world and future generations, I am giving you a simple how-to for raising boys to be men... READ MORE |
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SCHOOL DISTRICT KLEPTOCRACY
02/16/10 — The Only Way to Kill a Parasite is to Starve It
Anyone with a brain knows that America's public school system is an abject failure. Our children can barely read, spend most of their days fiddling around with iPhone apps and would be considered retarded fifty short years ago. There are a million reasons why today's youth has no chance of contributing anything positive to society and not all of them are the fault of the school system. That being said, school districts do NOTHING to fix any of the problems created by worthless, nonexistent and/or overinvolved parents and a culture obsessed with childhood disorders, syndromes, disabilities and relativism... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
01/31/10 — Leo Joseph Valdrow
I have never accepted a reader submitted Man of the Month article before and generally I will not but this submission got my attention and forced me to rethink my insistence on creating every Man of the Month article. The man profiled here does not meet the “standards” I have used for this article series in the past but it is my series so I say this works.
I thank Sean for sending this to me. I have not edited this in order to keep it authentic. Enjoy this great story!... READ MORE |
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CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER
01/19/10 — Arthur's View on the "Crisis in Haiti"
If you are stupid enough to watch mainstream news coverage you have been bludgeoned by coverage of the "horrific" situation in Haiti. The effects of the earthquake devastated Haiti without question...but why? How does a moderate 7.0 earthquake level a nation? No one is willing to ask that question let alone answer it. Now the guilt police are out in force telling us that we should give money for the Haitian relief effort because we are more fortunate and they are so underprivileged and left out of global prosperity. The question I have is...How on Earth is a nation in the Western Hemisphere poorer than 90% of African nations? I'll tell you why... READ MORE |
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MY LIFE AS A STRONGMAN
01/12/10 — By Strongman Dan Harrison
Strongman isn't a sport for everyone but it is definitely one of the most extreme sports one can be involved in. How can you compare kicking a soccer ball around or bouncing a basketball with running 100 feet with 900-1,000 pounds on your back as fast as possible or strapping into a harness and pulling a semi truck uphill 100 feet?? Picking up and running with 350lb+ objects in each hand as you feel the flesh tear away from your palms as you run for the finish line, while at the same time trying to stay ahead of the 330 lb beast next to you. He is trying to take your title, trying to out-muscle you.. trying to dominate you. Will you defeat him? This is strongman... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE YEAR 2009
12/30/09 — Vladimir Putin
2009 was a horrendous year for manliness. The weakest and most effete President in history was sworn into office, our Congress is poised to pass a nanny-state health care bill and movies like Twilight dominate mainstream culture. Manliness is an endangered state of being and if this year does not prove that to you, nothing will. All is not lost however, Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness continues to grow and attract members and readers from all corners of the Earth... READ MORE |
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ITS TIME TO KILL THE POSTAL SERVICE
12/07/09 — Why Privatization is the ONLY Solution
I'm not going to claim that the Postal Service never had it's place here in the US. You could argue that the Postal Service did a lot to keep Americans connected during our nations formative years when no other model existed to provide that service. I may or may not completely agree with you... but you could still make that argument while sounding informed and intelligent... READ MORE |
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YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID
11/30/09 — The Ills of our Society Begin at Birth
The offense I am referring to comes in the form of baby names. I know that bitching about this may seem petty but you are dead wrong. There is no greater evidence of the decline of our society. Don't believe me? Go to an elementary school and get a roster of the students and take a look. You will be aghast at the rampant stupidity. If the names of these children doesn't immediately make you want to kill people or puke...you are a member of the "idiot club" that I am talking about... READ MORE |
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A BRIEF IDEOLOGICAL HISTORY OF
AMERICAN POLITICS
11/21/09 — Why Our Assumptions About Party Ideology are Wrong
Democrats are liberals and progressives who believe in the expansion of government and more federal control. Republicans are the conservatives who stick up for individual rights, state rights, and smaller government... right? WRONG!... READ MORE |
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TOP 10 (MANLY) CLASSICAL PIANISTS
11/11/09 — Sophistication CAN be Manly
Piano is inarguably the most sophisticated instrument out there… no not the toy one your emo band bought at Guitar Center. There have been many great piano virtuosi over the last couple of centuries, and this article is dedicated to naming the top ten manliest of them. First, there must be some criterions (yes…criterions, it emphasizes that criteria is also plural… I hate when inbred illiterates use criteria as a singular noun) which these manly pianists must satisfy in order to make this prestigious list. It is difficult to narrow this list down to just ten, and there are many great pianists who will not make the cut, but with my faultless rating system that I will soon describe, you will see that my list is irrefutable... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
10/31/09 — President Andrew Jackson
There are times when I defend my choice for Man of the Month, but no defense is necessary with this monster of manliness. This month's "Man" is the Seventh President of the United States Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson. He is, without question, the manliest President in history and in my superior opinion, the manliest American since the dawn of the Republic... READ MORE |
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IRON IN THE BLOOD
10/23/09 — Blacksmiths Hit It Harder
I am a blacksmith. I earn my living through the strength of my arm and the sweat of my brow, hammering out tools and works of art as our ancestors did for two-thousand generations, until the steam-engine sealed our fate and liberated humanity from a life of constant toil. Make that “The rest of man”, the hours for a modern blacksmith are as long as ever... READ MORE |
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NFL QUARTER POLE
10/06/09 — What Have We Learned?
4 weeks in to the NFL season, most team are one fourth of the way through their schedules. 25% of any season is enough to draw some conclusions, and I’m here to tell you which ones you should draw now from this one... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
09/30/09 — Dr. James David Manning
This month's "Man of the Month" is a slight departure from my standard article. I cannot make a case that this man has impacted Western Civilization... at least not quite yet. That aside, Dr. James David Manning has made me nearly piss my pants with his endless ranting, mostly about our Idiot in Chief President Zero... READ MORE |
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THE 10 GREATEST BODYBUILDERS IN HISTORY
09/25/09 — Part II
Now that you have seen the bottom five of this illustrious list, here are the top 5 bodybuilders of all time. You may not agree, but you are wrong. If you knew more than I do I would be reading your list. Here are the top five bodybuilding Vikings of all time... READ MORE |
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THE 10 GREATEST BODYBUILDERS IN HISTORY
09/15/09 — Vikings Lift Weights!
I finally decided to take a crack at doing this list. I understand that there will be disagreements with this list but I don't give a shit because you are reading mine and I am not reading yours!... READ MORE |
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ITALY: WORSE THAN FRANCE?
09/01/09 — From Empire to Irrelevance
In this article, I'm going to dispel common myths about Italians and remind people in the world as to why we should consider Italians lower than scum sucking flounders. Hell, the French have done more in the past thousand years than the Italians have. And yet when it comes to ridicule and mockery, the French seem to take all the shit and we forget about the Italians. A pussy is a pussy, and the Italians have a history of being the biggest pussies on the block... READ MORE |
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GUN CONTROL IS RACIST
08/10/09 — Tyranny, Slavery, Bigotry diguised as "Common Sense"
When the average person thinks of “gun control”, they probably think of gang members, weeping parents making pleas to uncaring politicians to do something “for the children”, and paranoid white militia members decked out in camouflage and toting black rifles. This image of gun control is very recent, created by a combination of television news and big-budget movies, and power-hungry politicians whose knowledge of guns extends only to the same news and movies. Let us now divorce ourselves from such short-sighted conceptions and take a look at images associated with gun control that have a better basis in historical reality – the Klan in their late 19th-century heyday in the Southern U.S., and the National Socialist German Workers' Party, known by its German abbreviation as the Nazi Party... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
07/31/09 — Barry Goldwater
This month's selection is an obvious choice. I have known about Barry Goldwater for years but only after doing some research did I find that he was more than worthy of induction into this exclusive club of manliness. Barry Goldwater was a pilot in the USAF serving in World War II and Korea before retiring as a Major General. He entered the US Senate in 1952 and served for 30 years, retiring in 1987. He was the Republican nominee for President in 1964 and lost in a landslide to notable communist bastard, Lyndon Johnson. His accomplishments are impressive but it was his ideology that made him arguably the most important politician in the past 50 years... READ MORE |
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THE MOSIN NAGANT
07/21/09 — The Official Rifle of Arthur’s Hall!
The Mosin Nagant is truly a manly piece of hardware. Let’s discuss why. 1: First, the Poison Maggot is a time proven design. Dating from 1891, all the bugs have been worked out. This assumes there were any bugs in the first place, which there were not. No one would dare to be less than optimal for the Tsars and Commissars... READ MORE |
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COWARD!!!
07/06/09 — Coward is the Greatest Word in the English Language
"One who shows disgraceful fear of timidity"... what a concise and perfect definition. Predictably, coward is derived from a French word. Its origin literally means "to turn tail". To fully appreciate the greatness of the word "coward" one must understand the nature of man. Contrary to modern ideas that say otherwise, humans are war-like creatures. Our species evolved under, and as a result of tremendous external pressures; Ice Ages, disease, famine, armed struggle and continental migration. We, as men, were responsible for our families, our tribes, our clans and later, our cities and nations... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
06/23/09 — Chuck Schuldiner of Death
This month's nominee is a man that I knew nothing about six months ago. I had heard that Chuck Schuldiner was the man on many occasions but I am a stubborn bastard so I did not listen. I finally decided to start listening to Death a couple of months ago and now I am fucking hooked. Schuldiner may not measure up to prior men of the month in terms of accomplishment but I make the damn rules around here and I say Chuck is in... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR AND ARNOLD
05/31/09 — A Personal Portrait of a Viking and His Dog
My life changed in January of 2007 when my ex-girlfriend brought Arnold to my office. I walked outside and there he was, no more than 10 lbs, all ears and feet. He was the cutest little puppy and when I approached him, he sat down staring into my eyes intently. I had never owned a dog before and certainly had never raised a puppy so this experience was new to me. I had no clue that I was meeting my best friend for the first time. I picked him up and he did not protest...probably because he had just had his balls cut off...but who's keeping score? I remember being surprised at how tiny he was. Keep in mind, we adopted him so we did not know what breed he was so I had no clue how big he would be or even what he would look like as he matured. We took him to the park and I can remember two things...he sat without being prompted and looked right at me and that he could lay on my chest and did on the way home... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
05/12/09 — Jon Pall Sigmarsson
Jon Pall was born in 1960 on the hallowed island of Iceland. Iceland, as you damn well should know, is the ultimate Viking nation. It was settled by Norwegian Vikings including Eirik the Red and his son, Leif Eiriksson. Iceland is the most homogeneous nation on the planet...they are basically all direct descendants of the Vikings. They still speak Old Norse for God's sake and embrace their Pagan ancestors by using the ancient Viking naming conventions (son and dottir for last names) It may as well be called Vikingland. So Jon Pall was obviously born into a certain amount of "Vikingness"... READ MORE |
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GO PALEO!!!
04/28/09 — The Science of the Paleolithic Diet
Are you eating right? That's a question that many people ask themselves, and it's a question that feeds many industries making billions of dollars every year. It's a question that forces its way into your conscious and sub-conscious brain, day in and day out. News reports, medical studies, books, magazines, commercial advertising and word of mouth all creep their way into your information bank. There are countless claims as to what constitutes a "healthy" diet, and almost all of them conflict on some level, leaving the average guy with more confusion than enlightenment. So with such an itching, burning question just begging to be addressed, what is the official Arthur's Hall take on the matter? The most reasonable one of course: The food you should be eating is the food that humans are designed to eat... READ MORE |
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MY LIFE AS A CAVEMAN
04/19/09 — Arthur's Conversion to the Paleo Diet
In December, I made a drastic change to my lifestyle. No, I did not decide to color my hair, get manicures or start listening to Coldplay, I started eating like a caveman. On the advice of HammerOfThor, the author of the recent Go Paleo masterpiece, I turned my dietary life upside down and now its time for me to share my experience. I learned about the Paleolithic Diet on the Viking Forum. The Viking Forum is where real men go to interact with me and to discuss everything that is manly and this is yet another reason to join....NOW! READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
04/05/09 — Tsar Peter the Great of Russia
This series exists to illuminate great men of the past and present that may have been forgotten or overlooked. This month's "Man" is Tsar Peter the Great... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR TO THE RESCUE
03/21/09 — Our Broken Economy: How, Why, & the Only Solution
America's economy is broken. We hear it everyday when we turn on the news, open our Internet browsers or listen to talk radio. Everywhere you look...more bad news. Layoffs, stock market misery, falling home prices, massive unemployment and, worst of all, President Obama pontificating about economic Armageddon. The government's response has been underwhelming... Stimulus, bailouts, blah, blah, blah. None of it seems to make any difference. Realistically, the government cannot do much of anything in the short term. Anyone who understands anything about economics could tell you that and yet we have dozens of classically trained economists recommending every possible solution with no clear consensus. Why? No one wants to talk about the real problem....you and I. That's right, the system did not fail, we did... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
02/28/09 — Charles "The Hammer" Martel!!!
In 732, a major event took place that shaped the world we live in. In fact, it may have been one of the important events in the course of Western Civilization. Yet...I am guessing that 99% of you have no clue what I am talking about which is why I bring it up. The event that I am alluding to is the Battle of Tours in which the forces of The Frankish King Charles "The Hammer" Martel defeated the boy raping Muslim invaders who had set their sites on Continental Europe after subduing the pussy Spaniards. This month's Arthur Hall Man of the Month is none other than Charles "The Hammer" Martel... READ MORE |
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STEROIDS: THE REAL STORY
02/16/09 — Arthur Educates the Anti-Steroid Hypocrites
In the wake of today's admission by Alex Rodriguez that he did, in fact, use anabolic steroids (AAS) I feel it is time for me to give you, the readers of Arthur's Hall, the real story about anabolic steroids. First, my take on A-Rod....of course he did. Why am I not shocked? Because athletes use steroids. End of story. We know that A-Rod, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire and a host of others did but the true story is that the vast majority NOT named in these reports did too. To those who think taking steroids is cheating...fuck you. Is taking extra batting practice cheating? Is lifting weights cheating? Is film study cheating? No...and maximizing your physical strength with the use of pharmaceutical products isn't either. Where is the line? The answer is that there is no line. Do we suspend ourselves in battle because we use advanced weapons, GPS and night vision? No. Why in the hell should we expect the very best athletes in the world to limit themselves? Out of guilt? Nonsense. Their JOB is to the best they can be. To me it is their obligation to look for any advantage they can find... READ MORE |
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HARRY FLASHMAN ON GITMO AND GAZA
01/26/09 — Sage Advice From The Hall's Elder Statesman
I have given it some thought so don't get your panties in a twist. I was vehemently in favor of keeping the Guantanamo detention center open and either trying those Jihadist douchenozzles in a military tribunal or simply executing them for be caught waging war while out of uniform. The leftist liberal bed-wetters, the ACLU and Democrats have been having fits about how unfair we have been in denying these freedom fighters their constitutional rights and the deleterious effect that has had on the United States image in the world... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
01/05/09 — Israel's Ehud Olmert
This month's Arthur's Hall Man of Month is a lightning rod for criticism and disdain across the entire Middle East. That alone makes him worthy of consideration but it was his recent decision to bomb the living shit out of Gaza that cemented Ehud Olmert's candidacy as Man of the Month. As all of you should know by now...anytime a leader finds a reason to bomb a Middle Eastern nation...I am always impressed. I don't give a damn if some Gazan idiot threw a rock, to me that is sufficient provocation for a devastating aerial attack. Obviously, I am pro-Israel and I giggle with glee when I see bombs falling on Gaza, the West Bank, Syria, Iran or any other pissant Muslim nation... READ MORE |
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10 More Manly Guns
12/30/08 — Mad Mike is Back with 10 More Manly Firearms
Previously I compiled a list of the Ten Manliest Firearms. I noted that variations on the list were certainly acceptable, but still ran into a bunch of grief from non-men who were unable to read, nor to grasp that real men don't care if other real men disagree with them. Still, there are a LOT of guns out there, so I figured it was time to compile another list. You should own all of these guns before Zero takes office, and then buy more until he wets his pants and blubbers like the wuss he is. And if you don't like this list, compile your own, or wait for the next one... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
12/05/08 — Geert Wilders of the Dutch Party for Freedom
In the wake of the recent terrorist attacks in India I feel it is important to reiterate our position that Islam is a direct threat to Western Civilization. Considering we just elected a man who clearly has sympathies for these gutless boy-raping terrorists it is important for men to understand that fundamentalist Muslims will not rest until we are all dead. In that light, my Man of The Month is someone who understands the threat of Islam to the Western World... that man is none other than Geert Wilders... READ MORE |
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HE'S OUR PRESIDENT NOW
11/09/08 — Arthur's Anger and Hope
What happened? Who's to blame? What do we do now? Read on and I'll tell you.
This is an article I never wanted to write. I hoped I could avoid it for at least four or eight years... but this day was inevitable. I am glad that I gave myself a 24 hour waiting period before sitting down to do this. An article written last night would have been nothing more than an emotional tangent. But I have calmed down and now I give you my thoughts, emotions, and sentiments... READ MORE |
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HAPPY HELLOWEEN!!!
10/31/08 — Why Arthur hates Halloween, but loves Helloween
Halloween is a pointless holiday. It has no reason for being other than for little kids to dress up and go door-to-door begging for candy. I have no problem with that, in fact, I did a lot trick-or-treating as a kid and a fair amount of bag snatching. That was always fun. That being said, I am disturbed at the modern state of this holiday
I may just be getting older but it seems that Halloween has changed significantly over the years. I remember it well, you get home from school, start working on your costume and by about 8:00pm you roll out with bag in hand with the single minded focus to fill it with as much candy as you can carry. The best trick-or-treaters were businessmen, they knew which neighborhoods were best and which houses were the "King Size Hershey Bar" houses. Unfortunately, things have changed for the worse... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH: FEDOR
10/19/08 — Why Fedor Emelianenko is an Icon of Masculinity
This month's man is Fedor Emelianenko. Who?...you say. He is only the baddest man on the planet and the greatest fighter in the history of world. I know that seems like an outlandish claim but I sincerely believe that Fedor could beat the shit out of any of the countless billions of humans who have ever lived. Fedor Emelianenko is the undisputed king of the mixed martial arts world. I am a recent convert to the growing sport of MMA. My initial reaction to the sport was negative. I saw it as a methhead's version of the WWF. My impression was forged by watching guys like Tank Abbott who seemed as if they were snatched out of the trailer park and thrown in the ring for the amusement of a fan base whose entertainment palette included monster truck rallies, drag racing, and Godsmack. The sport has radically evolved since its initial debut into the national consciousness. The elite fighters now are not only top-notch athletes but are cross-trained in multiple forms of pugilism and grappling. Champions like Georges St. Pierre and Anderson Silva represent this transformation. I have zero doubt that either one of them could be elite boxers or Olympic-level wrestlers. Seeing these well rounded fighters demonstrate a wide range of skills is the reason I am now paying attention to the sport. Once I started paying attention I realized that there was a star whose greatness was so overwhelming that he was held in near mythical esteem. That man is Fedor Emelianenko... READ MORE |
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JOHN McCAIN AND THE SUPREME COURT
10/05/08 — Don't Like McCain? You Should Still Vote For Him
I hate John McCain. I’m also voting for him. If you’re man enough to suck it up and face reality, you’ll vote for him too after careful consideration of my reasoning. If, on the other hand, you’re so enamoured with mindless slogans and “hope-filled” rhetoric that you can no longer make rational decisions, then you don’t even have high enough T-levels to be reading this website, much less to understand what I’m about to lay down.
The most important issue of this election is not Iraq or even Iran. The rhetoric employed by both candidates to stir up their respective bases aside, the two candidates have virtually the same positions on most major foreign policy questions as well as on the conflict in Georgia (Yes, I know there are third parties on the ballot, but I’ll address that later). Additionally, there is no real issue surrounding Social Security or any other social programs because the Democrats are sure to gain a majority in Congress, which will guarantee that these programs stay in place no matter who is President. A Democrat controlled Congress also means that abortion laws will not change and a Federal ban on gay marriage is essentially precluded, so forget about the culture war... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
09/14/08 — Mustafa Kemal Ataturk
Welcome to the first installment of The Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness "Man of the Month" series. I came up with the idea for this series a while back when I realized that many of you out there are not as well informed as I am. While I will never expect that any of you will be able to match wits with me, I do feel like it is my duty to educate the ignorant masses. The Man of the Month series is an excellent way for me to fulfill this duty. As you come back every month to read these genius-inspired articles, you will notice that I am going to take time to profile men that may have slipped through the cracks of widespread notoriety. Any man worth a shit knows and reveres men like Ronald Reagan or Winston Churchill, so I want to bring other real men to your attention... READ MORE |
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LIBERAL MORONS AND GAS PRICES
07/28/08 — Crazy Einar Talks Big Oil, and Big Idiots
"Gas is expensive because Bush has oil interests!"
"When Bush took office, gas was $1.46 a gallon."
The former statement is just a catchphrase for a shithead. The second is true, but ignores the fact that two years before, gas was 77c a gallon, here in Indy. In other words: It doubled under blubba clinton in two years, and neoliberal shitheads declared it to be a "Good Thing". When it doubled again under Bush, in 5 years, during a war in the Middle East, with a frothing nutjob in Venezuela and strife in Mexico and Nigeria, along with a massive demand increase from China, India and other developing nations, that was a "Bad Thing"... READ MORE |
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VIKING WEIGHTLIFTING Q&A
06/28/08 — Arthur Answers Questions from the AH Community
Over the past three years I have attained a certain level of credibility on the subject of bodybuilding and weightlifting. I get asked all sorts of questions by readers on a day-to-day basis. In an effort to make Arthur's Hall more interactive, I have decided to answer a series of questions in article format. I assume that if one guy asks a question, many more wonder about the same thing. So rather than bullshit around, I give you "Weightlifting Q & A: Thoughts from a Viking Genius"... READ MORE |
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MITT ROMNEY FOR VP
06/12/08 — Why Mitt is the Right Choice for John McCain
What role does a Vice Presidential candidate play? How much does a running mate matter? In typical years, a VP pick tends to be motivated by loyalty, friendship or simple electoral math. The VP nominee, historically, has had a nominal effect on the general election. This election will be different. Most Americans are not happy with the direction the nation is going. Both President Bush and the Democratic Congress have historically low approval ratings. Obviously, the American people are fed up. The source of that frustration, in my view, is the negative tone and hyper-partisanship that has typified the last 16 years of American politics. People want something different, for better (McCain) or for worse (Obama). Why is a pissed off electorate relevant to a discussion about John McCain's running mate? Let me tell you.... READ MORE |
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A CALL TO ARMS
05/18/08 — Men, It is Time to get Involved!
John McCain is our nominee for President of The United States. That we know. He was not the unanimous choice but, in the end, he won the Republican nomination and now another chapter begins in this historically insane election cycle. Since his coronation as party leader I have noticed that most Republicans are on board with him as our nominee. Two months ago, it seemed (to some idiots in the media) that the party would be split but we, in true GOP form, have closed ranks and that is a good thing. The main reason for this, I believe, is that we are witnessing a complete debacle on the Democratic side. Clinton is who she is...no mystery there. Obama, on the other hand, has had a tough couple of months and the so-called "Obamaicans" have now been introduced to Jeremiah Wright, The Weathermen and his flaccid inability to knock out a flawed opponent. At this point, I don't give a damn which of those two is the nominee. They are both a nuisance and neither is stronger than the other... READ MORE |
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JAPAN: WHY STOP AT TWO?
05/02/08 —Why We Might Need to Nuke Japan Again!
There was a time when the Japanese were a feared race. When samurai would compose soulful haikus in the shade of a cherry blossom grove. When the Empire of the Sun stretched all the way across the pacific and dared to challenge the sleeping American giant.
But no more. Now the people who once ruled the Pacific, humbled by their defeat in WWII, have evolved. Like a bold young clefairy in the presence of a moonstone, Japan has risen from the ashes of the Enola Gay's thermonuclear doose and transformed into a new being- a group consciousness, void of decency, logic or pride.. READ MORE |
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50 DO'S AND DON'TS FOR REAL MEN
04/04/08 — Apply Knowledge Liberally to Accentuate Manhood!
We talk a lot about manliness and what that means here on Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness. It often takes the form of political conservatism, weightlifting, responsibility, tobacco use and as some would say, unhealthy love of guns. I got to thinking about how we are to live our lives on a day-to-day basis. Rather than wax poetic with complicated themes of manliness I thought I would give you "50 Do's and Don'ts for a Real Man". Enjoy!... READ MORE |
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FAVRE: TRIBUTE TO A LEGEND
03/06/08 — A Lifelong Packer Fan's Humble Tribute
I am a Packers fan by birth.I'll be the first to admit that at times, it was often difficult being a fan of the most storied franchise in NFL history. My family is from Wisconsin, however I did not grow up in the land of cheese, so it was a rarity to have the opportunity to watch my beloved Packers play on the local channels. In fact, it was hard to watch sometimes, even when it was on.
There were few bright spots during those years, better known as the "dark-ages" of Green Bay annals. My father would be the first to tell me of this so-called venerable team. Monumental stories of Jerry Kramer, Ray Nitschke, and Forrest Gregg being led by the immortal Vince Lombardi in many legendary battles such as the "Ice Bowl." He even handed down his Bart Starr autographed football to my brother and me, as though he was trying to prove that this team was once existed.
I vaguely remember sitting around the television set watching Lynn Dickey tossing the ball to James Lofton, then later Don Majkowski - The Majik Man - throwing it to Sterling Sharpe in what appeared to be a slightly promising future for the Pack. Were these moments to be the end of our decades-long slump? Not just yet, patience, maybe next year. over and over again. maybe next year... READ MORE |
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ROB HALFORD: GAY VIKING
02/28/08 — Yes... You Read That Title Right!
I know that for many of you this title of this article may be a bit disturbing. A Gay Viking? Blasphemous you say. In the case of Rob Halford, you could not be more wrong. Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness does not generally consider homosexuality very manly. This article is mostly about Rob Halford but it is also about how we view homosexuality here on the Hall. It is widely held that this is a homophobic website. We here at the Hall do not give a damn what people do in their bedrooms. Legislating individual choice and preference is an affront to conservatism. We stand for individual liberty and that does encompass sexual behavior. What we do not appreciate is the thought that people are entitled to different social status due to their sexuality... READ MORE |
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THE RISE OF THE EUROPEAN UNION
02/05/08 — and the loss of liberty, freedom, and human rights at a fundamental level
To many idealists living in the United States, the European Union is the height of international cooperation and socialized living, where everyone is equal. Healthcare is provided for, and there are civil service jobs available to all. The IMF has the EU ranked 1st in the world for GDP, and social liberalism has firmly taken root to make all things better... READ MORE |
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THE MANLIEST GAME CONSOLES
01/19/08 — Shatner Defines Video Game Manliness!
Why am I writing an article about the manliest video game consoles? Two reasons... first, it is damn fun to step outside the conservative/libertarian politics and cartoonish (yet completely sincere) ape-like chest thumping of the majority of the content on Arthur's Hall for some old-school nerdiness. Second... this stuff is f-ing good for business! Our "Manliest Games" article was a hit all over the Internet, and brought tons of traffic and interesting people to Arthur's Hall. You hear me Joystiq, Kotaku, and Destructoid? I expect to see this article on your front page! I suppose magic happens when you write about something you really are excited about, and I do love classic games. Happily, I also love archaic video game hardware and I do feel as if I have something substantial to say on this topic. So here it is men, and women (all three of you plus Colette Bennett), The 5 Manliest Video Game Consoles of All Time!... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR IS PISSED
01/14/08 — Arthur Defines Viking Conservatism!
I am pissed off. Why? I am fed up with faux (or as I will call it from here forward "Fox") conservatism. We are going to look at what REAL conservatism is. Forget the divide and conquer "51 percent" mantra of Karl Rove. Real conservatism ALWAYS wins elections. It is a superior ideology but many Fox conservatives have perverted it to the point where I don't recognize it anymore. Our party should be ashamed itself. We have betrayed our hero and greatest president, Ronald Reagan. Like many of you, I was raised during the Reagan administration. As a six year old child, I told my father to vote for Reagan in 1984 due to his support of "Star Wars" missile defense. He did. I guess that was my first political stump speech. I am here to give another. I have a bigger audience now and the cause is as important as it was in 1984. Conservatives face a choice, we can get back to real conservatism or face political extinction. This is that clear to me... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S PICK FOR PRES
01/02/08 — The Official Viking Endorsement!
As we enter 2008, we, as Americans, have an important duty. We GET (and I emphasize GET) to choose our next president. This choice and process of electing a President is not to be taken lightly or for granted. Most of the other civilized nations use a psarliamentary system while most of the world's people are mere lemmings for dictators and despots. And the truth is that most of those nation's leaders are irrelevant because their nations are irrelevant. We choose who will be the most powerful man (and yes I meant man) in the world for the next four years, a weighty thing to be sure... READ MORE |
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VIKING PHILOSOPHY
12/16/07 — Practical Philosophy for the Every-day Viking
What is philosophy? It has been many things to many men throughout the ages, but if you said it is presently a system used by emasculated college professors to justify failure and weakness you would be right. Philosophy, like many once great enterprises (like music, micro brewing, and democracy) has been taken over by metrosexuals and perverted into a threat to society itself. This was not always so. There was once a time when men where men and greatness was greatness. That time was the golden age of Athens... READ MORE |
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CAPITALISM AND ENVIRONMENTALISM
11/21/07 — How Hippies are Destroying Our Environment
Among dirty, tree-hugging hippies (Figure 1), there is a common sentiment that capitalism is inherently evil and will result in the destruction of our environment. I've argued with some of these hippies before, and tried to explain to them that countries with free market systems (such as the U.S. and Japan) typically have much better environmental quality then countries with centrally-planned economies (such as China and the former Soviet Union). Apparently, their marijuana-addled brains are immune to reason, because this black-and-white argument always fails to convince them. The fact of the matter is, environmental destruction is not a preordained outcome with capitalist systems; but in fact, free market economies may be a necessity for us to save our environment... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S FAVORITE BANDS
11/12/07 — Arthur Reveals His Personal Favorite Viking Bands
I was sitting here listening to my iTunes on my Mac (which by the way runs ITunes 100 times better than your PC) and I got to thinking. "Who are my favorite bands?" It is a question that everyone gets asked but I am not sure that many of us can nail down at Top 10 favorite bands so I decided that I would give it a shot. This list is very different than some of the other Top 10 lists that I have done becauese of the fact that I am ONLY taking into account my personal tastes and preferences. I will not pretend that this is a definitive list, although I am sure it is better than the shit that you listen to. but that is because I am better than you. I guess I thought, "If I could only listen to one band for the rest of my life who would it be?" Once I found #1, did the same with all the remaining music in the world, and so on. So here it is. Arthur's Top 10 Favorite Bands... READ MORE |
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POPEYE - APOTHEOSIS OF MANHOOD
11/04/07 — Remember to Eat Your Spinach!
I know most people probably don't associate cartoons directly with manliness and masculinity. I can understand that, since most cartoons are for kids, and most of the cartoons for adults feature tentacled demons raping Japanese schoolgirls. If that is your idea of fun, please press ctrl-Q on your keyboard, and never use the Internet again. I have to admit that I personally love cartoons. I don't love all cartoons, but I like some of the old Disney movies, I really like Pixar films, and I absolutely love old Fleicher Studios Cartoons like Popeye
Fleicher Studios was Disney’s biggest competition in the 1930’s, and turned out dozens of very well animated Betty Boop and Popeye cartoons. It was an era before political correctness, and before blacks attained their civil rights and some amount of affluence. I’m sure the audience was about as white as you can get. These cartoons are always violent, sexist, racist, and being that these cartoons are from a bygone era… I find their themes completely non-threatening and entertaining. I know I wouldn’t want to live in a world that sexist, racist, and violent… but it sure is funny... READ MORE |
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FIXING HEALTH CARE THE VIKING WAY
10/12/07 — Shatner Unleashes A Blistering Rant on Health Care
I'm madder than King Leonidas of Sparta at a Moveon.org anti-war rally over the current health care debate in America. There is no current issue that interests and infuriates me more, and there is probably no other issue I know more about or have cared about longer than that of health care. I'm sure we've all seen a movie whose plot trips up and starts down the wrong path. You want to yell at the screen. The proper resolution is so obvious, but the director is an idiot and the end of the movie is a complete clusterfuck. This is exactly how I feel about the health care debate in America today... READ MORE |
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THE MANLY WAY TO COOK MEAT
10/05/07 — Crazy Einar's Guide to Cooking Meat the Man Way
Since the dawn of time, fire has been an indication of civilization. It
treated flint, steamed wood, cast bronze, smelted iron, burned out
peasants for the obligatory sacking and looting, hosted leaders and
their war bands before they engaged in the slaughter of squatters or savages,
and cooked meat... READ MORE |
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SOY IS EVIL PLANT SEMEN
09/13/07 — Does Soy Turn You Into a Woman? YES IT DOES!!!
A few days ago, I walked into my favorite smoothie shop and bought some Muscle Milk and decided that I would have one of my favorite things in the world, The Builder. It is a drink befitting any real man. It is packed with 1500 calories, perfect for a 280 pound Viking. The ingredients are a thing of beauty, a gainer style chocolate protein powder, chocolate ice cream, a large helping of peanut butter, a banana and some nonfat milk. I have been drinking these shakes for years and it is rare that I go two weeks without one... READ MORE |
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While this page consists of many of Arthur's most popular articles, a more complete archive of Arthur's Viking prose can be found in the VIKING ARCHIVE
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